Story: The Inagural Address To Criminolia

The Inaugural Address of Criminolia

Even though he had known for three months that the people of Criminolia had elected him president, it was still surreal being sworn into office. The ceremony had been what he expected, but what came after was not. It was almost instant, this pressure. He was now in charge of a huge country, with over 447 billion people, that was going in the gutter. He did not want to break all his campaign promises; he truly did want to help turn Criminolia around. And now that he was officially the president of Criminolia, he could start. He could begin to repair the diplomatic relationships that had been abandoned, he could take care of the government employees taking bribes and he could try to make the crime rates go down across the country. But first, he had to address and reassure the public. He had to make his Inaugural address.

The inaugural address was not required; in fact inaugural addresses were rare of Criminolian presidents. But he felt like he had to prove to the people that he was still the person they elected months ago. He was going to use this speech as a tool to reassure the public. And the way he planned on doing that, was laying out his plans to turn Criminolia around.

"Mr. President?" He turned around to find his friend and top aide, John Raccolta, poking his head into the room. "It's about time to head over to the Broadcast Room. Are you ready?"

He nodded his head and followed John down the many hallways, into the Broadcast Room. He made a mental note to ask one of his aides for a map of the palace. He expected to have many meetings in the next could of days and, if he planned on getting to any, he would need some sort of help.

The Broadcast Room looked like a news room. Cameras pointed at various sections of the stage, light strategically placed, and computers and T.V.s to broadcast recordings.  And it was, by far, the busiest room in the palace. People zipped around the room, checking for this and that, making tiny last minutes adjustments that he was certain no one would notice. And after being in the room for three minutes, he'd been told to change his tie, he'd been offered makeup and, unbelievably, he'd been offered a teleprompter. To say that he was grateful when it was time to deliver his speech would be an understatement. 

He got situated at the desk on the stage and as he heard the countdown begin, he sat a little straighter. You only get one first impression, he thought to himself. "3... 2... 1... You're live!"

He looked right into the camera, waited one second and then he began, "Citizens of Criminolia, thank you for electing me to be your president. I wanted to take this moment to reassure you all that I will be the president you elected. Criminolia was once a successful country, it is my hope that we can turn it around. I wanted to take this opportunity to lay out several plans that will be initiated in the next couple weeks.

"The first plan deals with the problem of government employees taking bribes. Over the last week, I have had a team go over the records of all government employees. The ones who took bribes have been found out and will be interviewed to determine why they should be trusted once more and what their future in the government will be. Those who did not take any bribes have been promoted. That makes me much more confident in the honesty of our government already.

"The second plan I wanted to highlight here, today, was my plan for stopping the vandals and robbers.. Instead of the criminal punishment being a few weeks in jail and then you're free, the offender does community service. The community service is spent righting the wrong done. For example, I vandalize an auto body shop. I smash the windows and I ruin some equipment, all on a whim. I'm caught and sentenced to community service. I then, by the court of law, am required to help the auto shop repair the windows and equipment, including paying for whatever supplies are needed. I am free of that community service, when the owner of the property goes to the court, telling the court that a satisfactory job was done. I am then given the warning that should I commit that offense again, jail time and a permanent mark on my record will result. And in addition to that part of the plan, I am calling for better benefits and pay for our police and military. There's already a bill in the works regarding that and it has my fullest support.

“Another thing regarding criminal punishment is the overcrowding of our prisons. My plan for this is a two-pronged approach. The first step is those who have violated the law, but have committed minor crimes will be released from jail on parole and with a tracking anklet. They are required to complete a court mandated tasks, which will depend on the crime. The second step is to up the punishment for common, destructive crimes like drugs, alcohol and the like. The thinking is, if the stakes are too high, it will not be worth it.

"The last plan I'd like to discuss today is our National Debt. We are knocking on the door of Nineteen Trillion dollars in debt, and the plan before I was sworn in as president was absolutely nothing. I cannot let that stand. How long before those that we owe, call us, wanting their money? How long before we print so much money, that money isn’t worth a dime? How long before our economy collapses for good?  My plan will cut out all unnecessary spending. All government grants will cease, unless it's towards cures for illnesses. The government has no business funding research about whether or not pizza is addictive. 

Government 'Fat-Cats' will be receiving a salary cut. We will also stop printing fresh money. It is doing us no favors. And we will also start paying off our debt. It will take a really long time, but it is more than necessary.

“I thank you all for electing me and letting me try to fix our country. And I thank you for your time. Good night, Criminolia.”


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